A Face only a Mother...

We were at dinner Saturday night with some friends and there was a 10-month old girl at the table next to us. We had Will with us so we all did the obligatory "Oh, how cute! How old is he/she?" thing that parents do when they have kids around the same age. As we were leaving the restaurant, my friend turned to me and said "I didn't really think that baby was that cute, but I said it anyway". When I asked why the response was "that's what you are supposed to do." This got me thinking: If my friend is telling complete strangers that their baby is cute but doesn't really mean it, how often is that happening to me? Of course, I think my son is adorable, but I am his mother and I'm supposed to think that. Are we all walking around, bolstered by the comments of other people who tell us our children are the next Gerber baby when it's really a lie? I suppose it would be strange to have someone tell you "Your kid? Yeah, not so cute". So, I guess the myth will continue to be perpetuated for parents. Good thing MY kid really is cute....er, right?

Lessons in Parenthood #658

Will is on the move. He officially is crawling now and while this is great fun to watch, it also takes this parenthood thing up to an entirely new level. Gone are the days of putting him down in one spot and expecting him to stay there. Now we have to keep a constant, very watchful eye on him so he doesn't cause bodily harm to himself or to the family cat.

This past weekend we decided it was time to baby proof. We went to the mother of all baby items stores, Babies R' Us, and picked up a variety of baby proof items that bare a strange resemblance to Medieval torture devices. Outlet plugs, cabinet locks, coffee table bumper...and this is where we ran into lesson #658. Billy and I enjoy our house looking neat and nicely decorated but we quickly realized, after pulling the coffee table bumper out of its package, that there is no way to look couth with a ghetto, rubber, gray bumper pad lining your nice Pottery Barn table. Oh, and our nice limestone fireplace with a ledge would need one of these gray beauties, as well. In addition, it was time to remove any decorative item that could come within baby's grasp and this included removing a relatively unstable three-legged round table with a pretty lamp perched on it. A moment of sadness came upon us as we (temporarily) said goodbye to our nicely decorated, adult-friendly house when we realized we will need to live like this for a few years, particularly if a baby #2 comes along. However, the sadness was quickly replaced with resignation and an understanding that keeping our son safe and happy is more important than any Tiffany-replica lamp adorning our living room. This is the lesson learned: having a child makes you more selfless than you could have ever imagined. So while my son is only 8 months old, he already has made his mama a better person. Who needs nice furniture? I say bring on the gray tubing...

Love to the Doctor

I had my annual "female" doctor appointment yesterday, and it was the first time I'd been back to my doctor's office since my 6-week postpartum check-up after Will was born. When you are pregnant, you visit this doctor way more than you ever dreamed possible. It starts with monthly visits and progresses to weekly visits towards the end of the pregnancy. All of this equals much time spent at your doctor's office and with the cast of characters that works there.

Since it had been almost seven months since I had been there, I found myself downright nostalgic about the whole thing. Seriously. Here's how my thought process went while I was there:

Pulling into the parking lot: "Hi, parking lot! Remember how I used to come here and drive around endlessly until I got a spot close up so my big, pregnant self didn't have to walk far? That was fun!"

Getting into the elevator: "Hi, elevator! Remember when I could never remember which floor my doctor's office was on and how several times, if there was another passenger in the elevator with me, I'd get off on the wrong floor but pretend that's where I intended to be? That was fun!"

Getting off the elevator: "Hi, hallway bathroom! Remember all those times I used your facilities right before my appointments even though I knew I was going to have to give a urine sample during my appointment, but I knew it didn't matter because my big, pregnant self was going to have to pee again in 2.5 minutes? That was fun!"

At the doctor's office: "Hi, nurse! You and I were pals. Remember all those moments we shared, with scales, blood pressure cuffs and funky gowns that bare all? (Note: not even sure the nurse remembered who I was, but she played along with my "So GREAT to see you!!"). That was fun!"

Leaving the doctor's office: "Hi, lady that works in Accounts Payable! Remember how my insurance company was so messed up and we spent countless hours on the phone trying to get bills paid? That was fun!"

Most disturbing thought of the day, while leaving the doctor's office and driving by the hospital (no joke): "I sure love that hospital.” Seriously? Seriously?! This coming from a woman who had to be given morphine to prevent her from ripping off the contraction monitor belt and running down the hallway screaming after spending a week on bed rest at said hospital.

So the lesson learned is if you want to enjoy going to the doctor and actually feel like you miss the doctor upon leaving, have a baby, get a little loopy from sleepless nights and let seven months pass by. You will love your doctor, too.

Bruxism, anyone?

My son has four teeth and is getting two more. This is sort of on the early side for a baby his age to have this many teeth (most kids get their first tooth around six months and my freak of nature son - and I mean that in the most loving way - already has six at six months!). These new and facinating chiclets in his mouth have led him to grind them together to enjoy the fun noise they make! Have you ever experienced nails on a chalk board? Let's just say that lovely sound pales in comparison to the noise of baby teeth being scratched together, sounding like they are about to crack. I've decided that I'm going to call the CIA and offer up my son's services. If they are looking for a new form of torture to get the bad guys to speak, all they need to do is put Will in the room with them. They'll be talking in no time.

Indecision

It's a typical situation, in these typical times; too many choices.
-Dave Mathews

Do you ever feel like you have so many options, you just can't make a decision? That is precisely how I am feeling lately. Since I had Will, I have been home with him and have not been working. I must admit I didn't think I would be out of work this long (he'll be seven months old next week). I originally thought I'd stay home for a couple of months or so, but now two has turned into seven. Not that I'm unhappy with the way things have worked out. I realize how lucky I am to have the option to stay home and spend this precious time with Will while he is so small. But why haven't I made any decisions about my future work situation? Is it because I have too many choices?

It seems I have so many options as a mother in the new millenium that I end up getting overwhelmed and doing nothing but thinking about the options, particularly because I don't necessarily want to work full-time (and it's hard to find part-time work that doesn't involve the mall). Here is a sample of the internal dialgue I have on a daily basis: "Maybe I can start doing contract work? Or what if someone would actually pay me to write? Perhaps I should start my own business? No wait, I should go back to school! Learn sign language! Become a lion tamer!" This continues until I end up where I started: no where. When the sky's the limit, how do you know where to begin?

So I end up frozen, not with fear, but with possibilities. It almost seems like things would have been easier back when my mother and grandmother were raising children. For the most part, the only option was staying home with your kids. Although I may not have been happy with that being my only option, at least I would have had some finality! I guess I just have to remind myself to be thankful that I do have options and that there is no time limit on making a decision. Yes, I would like to make a decision and move forward sooner rather than later, but the beauty of being a mom today is that decisions can always change, career choices can always be redefined. Until then, I'll keep dreaming about what I want to be when I grow up...

Recap

Since it has been two weeks since my last post, I decided to provide you with a snapshot of what's been going on in my life in the interim:

1) Trip to Illinois: We went to Carlinville, Illinois over Memorial Day weekend to visit Billy's parents. His cousin was getting married (well, technically his cousin is already married with two kids, but they had the party over the weekend). Billy's brother from Atlanta, J.C., and his wife and daughter (who is 5 months older than my son, Will) were there, as well, so it was a lot of fun to see the kids together. Granted, they can't really play together yet, but it sure is fun for the parents to make it look like they are playing together for the sake of photos. All in all, it was a good weekend, sans the plane ride home when Will decided to scream for about 20 minutes straight. There's really nothing you can do in an instance like this other than continually look at the passengers around you and mouth "sorry!". That, and pray for a good dose of turbulance to hopefully bounce the baby to sleep.

2) Interview: I had mentioned in a previous post that I had an interview with a company called Boundless Network for some potential contract work. Since then, I have gone back for two more rounds of interviews and they want me to come back one more time and meet with their CEO. All good times, but I'm getting the feeling this is going to turn into a full-fledged, full-time job and I'm not sure I'm ready for that right now. More to come on that...

3) Will: Not my son, this time. I'm talking about the legal document. Billy and I have finally gotten in gear and have met with a lawyer to discuss "our affairs", so to speak. A very strange thing to discuss such fun and light topics like what you want to have happen to you in certain medical situtations, who you want to be the guardian of your child, etc.

4) Sex in the City: I went to see this flick with a few of my lady friends last weekend and I have to say it was the strangest movie experience of my life. First, the theater was filled with women except for about three men who either had to feel horribly out of place or feel like they were in exactly the right place. Second, 95% of the attendees were dressed like Carrie Bradshaw. I'm talking cloth flowers pinned to their clothes, high heels that shouldn't be legal for walking and flashy jewelry. Third, I saw a group of girlfriends show up in a LIMO for the movie. Yes, I said limo. And no, this isn't New York City.

And that, my friends, gets us up to speed...

Happy Birthday!

November 20, 2007 to today. You've come a long way, baby!

It's true what they say: Kids grow fast and it goes by quickly. My son, Will, is 6 months old today. Six months ago I was a childless, pregnant woman wondering what this whole parenthood thing would be like. And so far, so good! I was not one of those women who took to motherhood immediately. I definitely loved my son from the get-go, but those first couple of months were a blur of exhaustion, education and survival. Once I got passed that, I really began to enjoy my son and being a mother. And I think going through those first couple of months of "mommy bootcamp" made the moments that came later even more of a pleasure. Now I can't wait to get up in the morning and have the privilege of spending the day with Will. So happy birthday, baby boy. Thanks for making life so sweet.

Tips for an Interviewing Mother

I just found out I am scheduled for an interview tomorrow with a company called Boundless Network for some potential marketing contract work. In light of that, I have put together a check list of things for me to remember as I prepare for the interview:

1) Find an outfit to wear that does not have spit up stains.
2) Find an outfit that does not consist of running shorts and a tank top or pajamas.
3) Shower.
4) Use a real purse, not a diaper bag.
5) Try not to talk in a voice that is 3 octives higher than your normal pitch.
6) Remember to shake hands, not play patty cake.
7) Don't seek out the "family" bathroom at the office.
8) Don't ask the interviewer if he's "doing a poopy".

Any other tips?

Lessons from a Storm

For any of you that live in the Austin area, the storms that rattled through town last night probably woke you up. At 12:15am, I awoke to "beep, beep, beep...". The digital baby monitors we have went 'offline' after the storm caused our power to go off momentarily, leaving them to beep and not work (as a side note: If you are in the market for a baby monitor, I don't recommend the Graco digital monitors. Nothing but beeps, crackles and irritation). Shortly after the monitors woke us up, my husband and I were snapped to attention by the loud cracks of thunder and firey lightening that illuminated the sky. The storm was upon us.

I honestly can say that was one of the worst storms I have witnessed. After the initial lightening and thunder, you could feel the house start to shake and sputter as the high winds whipped around us. Our house is situated high on a hill and backs to a wilderness preserve, so the winds were extreme and the trees were dancing like wild banshees in the backyard. We have bay windows all along the back side of the house, in the living room, our bedroom and our kitchen, that rattled as if they might break under the pressure. We tried to turn on the television to see what kinds of weather warnings were facing us, but the power was still out. With no radio, TV or Internet to inform us, Billy ran to the garage to locate our American Red Cross radio that is meant to keep people updated on emergency conditons in such situations.

My heart was racing as huge chunks of hail were pelting the windows. All I could think about was my baby. I ran to his room, sure that he would be frightened and awake from the madness around us, but to my surprise he was sound asleep. As the wind continued to howl, I had a deep urge to pick him up and cradle him in my arms, but my mind was telling me the best thing to do was to let him sleep. The compulsion to protect him came from deep within my belly and rose up into my throat until I could almost taste it. My mind could not stop thinking about mothers before me who had faced similar situations and, unfortunately, faced disaster: The tornado that devastated Jarrel years ago, the cyclone that killed so many in Myanmar recently, the crushing earthquake in China last week. If I felt this fear during a passing thunderstorm, how did they feel during a life altering situation in which there was nothing they could do to protect their babies? The thought of it made my throat begin to close and I continually checked on Will, watching his tiny chest rise up and down, his downy hair gently resting on the sheet. My precious son was calm in the eye of the storm. His mother was not. Is there a lesson to learn here?

Eventually the storm passed, and I began to calm down. My mind was still consumed with visions of natural disasters rendering mothers unable to save their children. I know my husband sensed my fear, my quietness. But I could not bring myself to verbalize what I was thinking. It made it too real. And as I watched the two of us, parents for the first time, jumping with nervous energy around the house as the storm passed over, I knew that he, too, felt some sense of a need to protect that didn't exist before we had Will. Before, I probably would have watched the storm with curiousity and possibly some concern. But this time I felt nervous, anxious, ready to act at a moment's notice. And I think Billy felt it, too, in his own way (he expresed it through finding a flashlight, getting the American Red Cross radio, putting on boots and a raincoat, just in case, all to be prepared). I expressed it through watching my baby, ready to scoop him up in an instant if I needed to. This is how life changes when you have a child. It's not so much about the sleepless nights, the diaper changes, the temper tantrums. It's about a deep, instinctual, heart-crushing urge to protect your child at any expense. It's also about knowing a fear you never knew before, worrying about the times you can't protect them. And this morning, after the bad weather has passed but the thought of it hasn't, I bow my head in prayer for those mothers that couldn't protect their children during a strorm, whether it was a natural disaster or some other situation. I know I have many more storms to face as a mother and protecting my son may not always be possible. I hope, at least, I can provide some shelter, some comfort. For today, he is safe. And I am thankful.

Epiphany

Just a quick post before the evening routine of bath, bottle and bed. Sunday at church I noticed that Will had a hunk of ear wax hanging off his ear. Pre-child, this would have grossed me out and in this case, it had no effect on me whatsoever other than piquing an interest in keeping my child groomed, much like a monkey. I proceeded to stick my finger in my mouth, lick it and wipe said ear wax from his ear. I looked over to see my husband gaping at me in horror (and I'm sure the immediate innocent bystanders around us were, as well). It was then I realized: I have officially become my mother.
NOTE TO READERS: I love my mother so, so dearly. I just had not suspected I, too, would end up using saliva as a cleaning solution.

May I introduce...

This is my first official foray into the world of blogging, from a personal standpoint anyway. As former Director of Marketing for a technology company, I have been hearing about blogs for years now. They can be a unique public relations tool and well, nightmare, too. Nothing puts more fear into the heart of a PR professional than an errant blogger comment about your company that spreads like wildfire on the Internet. Learning how to deal with situations like that - and using the Internet to your advantage to spread the "good news" about your company - really is a new art form in the world of marketing. I have a friend whose college-age son is majoring in Communications (like I did) and minoring in New Media (something that did not exist back in the dinosaur age when I was in school). Having an official title to an area of study just goes to show the power and prevalence of Web 2.0 in our brave new world (blogs, social networking sites, etc.) But I digress...

Let me get down to the business of introducing myself. My name is Michele Fanning and I am a 32-year-old female who recently became a mom in November 2007. Up until that point, I had a 10 year career (as aforementioned) in marketing. I always defined myself through my job. I think most of us do without even realizing it. Think about how often you have been asked "what do you do?" Or, think about how often that has been one of the first questions you ask upon meeting someone. Until November I was "Michele, the Marketing Director". Now when people ask me this question, I tend to mumble something like "well, I'm at home with my son now, but I'm trying to figure out what I want to do, I've looked into some options and..." and by this point, the person asking has lost all interest or just can't understand me because I'm mumbling. Bottom line: I love being a mom, but what's my next move? Go back to school? Find part time work? Attempt to freelance? Regardless, one thing I've learned is that I can't be defined by what I do. None of us can. We are our character, our family, our values. We are not our jobs. Now, what does that mean? Not entirely sure what it means for me at this point, but I intend to find out...