Indecision

It's a typical situation, in these typical times; too many choices.
-Dave Mathews

Do you ever feel like you have so many options, you just can't make a decision? That is precisely how I am feeling lately. Since I had Will, I have been home with him and have not been working. I must admit I didn't think I would be out of work this long (he'll be seven months old next week). I originally thought I'd stay home for a couple of months or so, but now two has turned into seven. Not that I'm unhappy with the way things have worked out. I realize how lucky I am to have the option to stay home and spend this precious time with Will while he is so small. But why haven't I made any decisions about my future work situation? Is it because I have too many choices?

It seems I have so many options as a mother in the new millenium that I end up getting overwhelmed and doing nothing but thinking about the options, particularly because I don't necessarily want to work full-time (and it's hard to find part-time work that doesn't involve the mall). Here is a sample of the internal dialgue I have on a daily basis: "Maybe I can start doing contract work? Or what if someone would actually pay me to write? Perhaps I should start my own business? No wait, I should go back to school! Learn sign language! Become a lion tamer!" This continues until I end up where I started: no where. When the sky's the limit, how do you know where to begin?

So I end up frozen, not with fear, but with possibilities. It almost seems like things would have been easier back when my mother and grandmother were raising children. For the most part, the only option was staying home with your kids. Although I may not have been happy with that being my only option, at least I would have had some finality! I guess I just have to remind myself to be thankful that I do have options and that there is no time limit on making a decision. Yes, I would like to make a decision and move forward sooner rather than later, but the beauty of being a mom today is that decisions can always change, career choices can always be redefined. Until then, I'll keep dreaming about what I want to be when I grow up...