Why do I do this to myself (or, things that keep me up at night).

"It's getting to the point where I'm no fun anymore..."
Suite: Judy Blue Eyes; Crosby, Stills & Nash

I am a grump. No, not normally, but just lately. Why? Because I have been completely overwhelmed. I started my new job last month (which, starting a new job when you're five 1/2 months pregnant is sort of crazy unto itself), and it's been a lot of fun. And a lot of work. A lot. This is definitely a job that requires a full-time person...or three. I love the start-up environment and I really enjoy what I'm doing, but it's going to be hard to keep up with it in only 20 hours a week. In fact, I haven't. I've been working more than that, including on my days off (have to just to keep up). And thinking and worrying about it a lot. Like at 3:00 in the morning. If I were to work full-time, this would be as close to a dream job as it would get. But it remains to be seen how I do part-time...the jury is still out.

And for some reason, I thought it would be in my best interest to sign on as the Chair of Project Santa for the Austin Children's Shelter. Project Santa is their major holiday toy drive and I'm in charge of organizing it and coordinating volunteers to work the four days of donation collecting, sorting, wrapping and packing. All taking place at the end of December. Days before Christmas. While I'll be almost eight months pregnant. I have been volunteering with the Shelter for a couple of years now and I love it and hold it dear to my heart, but I'm thinking I may have had a major case of pregnancy brain when I agreed to this a few months ago.

Of course, there's also the baby coming to plan for and think about. We continue to work furiously to get the house in order, dismantle the former guest bedroom, turn it into Will's new bedroom, buy his new "big boy" furniture, turn Will's current room into the baby's room, etc. etc. Besides spending countless hours on house projects, we're also spending a small fortune. And I think about that a lot at 3:00 in the morning.

Will's birthday is next week, Billy's parents and granny are coming in for Thanksgiving and my family is coming into town for Christmas. And of course there are all the usual holiday things like cards, decorating, gift buying and whatnot to contend with. All wonderful and happy things for sure, but things to plan for nonetheless. Sometimes at 3:00 in the morning.

So, you see, I've turned into a grump. Folks, don't get me wrong. I know I have so much to be thankful for, and I am. I have a dear friend who's husband was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer, so believe me, I know things could be much worse and I know I am lucky. I'm just a little grumpy. And tired. Because 3:00 in the morning seems to be a very busy time for my brain.